| laying in bed... |
[24 Jun 2009|11:04pm] |
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Two more weeks left till I complete my N452 critical care nursing class. I'm borderline "A" in the class. Basically, I need to ace the last and final exam of the class to get an A. I hope I get it. Today, was my second exam and boy was that hard. It took me quite longer to finish than the first exam. It covered topics such as acute respiratory failure, airway management, shock/sepsis, and brain tissue oxygenation. I think those were the most complex topics I've learned because it had so much effin pathophysiology involved. Our professor was impressed that the class average was an 89 and more than half the class received an A. The stats of the exam are impressive considering it to be a fast-track/accelerated course. Once I am done with this class I'll be taking my last and final class of before I begin my nursing career. I'm so excited but anxious to start working. EEK! Saving lives and making a difference in someone's care is going to have a profound way in how I will look at life.
So, anyways I am writing because I want to vent my feelings towards my parents. I'm a 22-year-old male who is on the verge of turning 23 in 11 days. 23! Can you believe it?! (When Tina turned 23 she said it was her third 21st birthday.) If I want to get out of the house late at night, shouldn't I be able to? I asked If I could leave to watch a 11:30 PM showing at AMC Palm Promenade. First of all, why should I even ask when I'm old enough to be living on my own. Second, why do they treat me like something devastating or dangerous is going to happen to me. I still feel like I'm treated like I am in high school. It's not like I'm going to downtown San Diego to drink till my liver explodes or go to a party and act like an irresponsible immature naive individual. Seriously, I just wanted to relax, get out of the house and celebrate the success I had on my exam by watching a movie at the movie theater. Sometimes when these type of situations occur I second guess myself and rethink the possibility of staying home with my parents after I graduate to save money. It's money versus independence. GAH! What a difficult decision. I've been tolerating this for a while but I don't think I can handle it anymore as I get older.
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| Summer School 2009 |
[19 Jun 2009|11:48pm] |
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It's 11:49 PM and I am sitting in the 24/7 study area of the San Diego State University Library. The A/C is on and I am extremely cold. I guess this is the pain and hardship I must go through to finish my N452 Critical Care nursing class. I am so over school. I cannot wait till I am finish with nursing school But wait...it does not stop there. I will still have to study for NCLEX. GAH! So anyways, I am studying for the second exam of the class which covers critical pulmonary dysfunction, airway management (mechanical ventilation), shock, sepsis, sirs, mods, and brain tissue oxygenation. Sounds like a lot, huh? IT IS! I had to request a day off from my supervisor to get an extra day off to study but I don't think it's enough. I feel so behind. I hope I do well on this exam. I wonder how Charlene, Jhulie, and Ivy are doing with their studying. We've been so busy that we barely get to chat with each other but we make the best of our time together. I think this class is sucking out all the energy out of us. The dark circles are beginning to show. HAHA. J/K. I can tell though that our moods are on the down side because we are so focused on passing the class. I just have to keep telling myself that I'll be a future RN BSN to motivate myself. :)
My 23rd birthday is soon. I am so excited to celebrate it in Vegas. What a great way to finish my N452 class. It will be filled with 3 nights of unimaginable, intoxicated, crazy, and exhilarating fun which I hope I will remember. So far the people that are going are Tina, Gladys, Krista, Charlyn, Mylihn, and me. There are other people but I am not so sure about them. We are staying at the Grandview Las Vegas located next to Soutpoint Hotel/Casino. It's a nice timeshare unit but the only downside of it is its location. It's not on the strip but it is only a 10 minute drive away. Okay, well I've got to go back to studying now. After this I am going home to sleep!
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| tongue thrust! |
[06 May 2009|03:15am] |
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I just finished doing the last of my tongue exercises. I am on my second set of braces because I have a tongue thrust. Gosh, I am not normal at all. My tongue used to rest behind my teeth and it is supposed to rest at the top of your mouth where there is a pocket. I was not eating write, drinking right, and resting right all along. I am getting all my help from my very own speech therapist. With all these tongue exercises I am doing I hope that my teeth never space out again. GRRR! If you're curious of what the exercises are called they are called the tongue pop, suck it up, windshield wipers, tongue tug-o-war- tongue wrestle, and lip press. It is certainly a job to do every night.
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| Almost Finish! |
[01 May 2009|12:54am] |
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It has been so long since I've posted an entry. I neglected live journal for so long and I believe it's time for an update
I am in my 5th semester of the nursing program right now which is the second to the last semester of the program. I will finish my last two classes in summer school but before that I will be taking part in the SDSU commencement ceremony on May 22, 2009. I am both excited and anxious about the end of my college career. I will be entering the workforce as a registered nurse soon. Reality is going to hit me soon and I will become a full pledged member of society. SCARY! It is just weird thinking that I will not be going to school and doing homework. When I think about I've been going to school for almost 18 years. YIKES!
Right now I am taking Community Health Nursing (N414), Psychiatric Nursing (N416) and Professional Development (N460). I love all of the classes this semester compared to last semester. There were so many papers to write and group projects to do. There was definitely a lot busy work this semester. However, the clinical rotations were a wonderful experience. I got to visit homes and interacted with people at a more personal level. I had the opportunity of learning about mental illnesses and understanding the world of psychiatric nursing. Last semester was not as great as this semester. My fourth semester I took Obstetrical Nursing and Pediatric Nursing. I enjoyed witnessing live births and c-sections and taking care of newborn babies but the whole other part of the class was difficult. For some reason I could not understand the material. I honestly thought I was going to have to repeat that class but with hard work, concentration, and determination I was able to pull off a passing grade in the class. There was a point in 5th semester that I broke down into tears. The last time I was overwhelmed with school and emotionally unstable was when I took Adult Health Nursing (N308) with Dr. Saarman. Man O' man was that class difficult. I also think that my relationship with a faculty member soured my experience in OB. Thankfully I made it out of that class alive. I had a lot of fun with Pediatrics. I loved taking care of the children at Rady Children's Hospital. Just seeing them smile and doing better reminded why I got into nursing. I cannot believe that college is almost over. I feel very accomplished and proud of myself for getting this far. I definitely have grown but still more room to learn more. I have not found myself yet and still am on that journey of self realization. I just need to work out the kinks in my life especially with my health. I don't want to disclose anything more than that but I absolutely need to change. Change my lifestyle, habits, and poor choices.
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| Almost then end of 2007 |
[26 Dec 2007|04:51am] |
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It's 4:51 AM and I just got home from my final Secret Santa gift exchange. I am so happy from all the gifts I have received. I want to thank God for all the blessings he has given me. I am thankful for having my family and friends around me this time of year. This year has had its up and downs and I am so proud of myself for hanging on. I know I've made a lot of sacrifices and opted to not do things I wanted to do. However, I know that all the hard work, learning, and growing has led me to this point in my life. I can say that I am somewhat content. I still have many holes to fill in my life. I have that missing void that keeps me from being whole. As I grow older, I know I am leading myself to where I want to be. I know I've made many promises and not met them but I never forgot them. These promises that I've made are still there and will not be left untouched. Other than the wonderful gifts I have received I am most thankful to God for giving the gift of life and especially the courage, strength, & confidence to deal with my education in nursing. I have been doubting myself and pushing myself to the limits to pass the semester. With all my hard work and sacrifices God has helped me to deal with my struggles not only in school but also in life in general. Getting through with nursing is by far one of the best gifts I have received. It is something I hold close to my heart and is something no one can ever take away from me. Working in the hospital as a nursing assistant has affirmed my love for nursing. It may be mostly an ass wiping job but in the end of day I am satisfied because I have made that special patient connection where a small conversation and little assistance in care makes big waves. Knowing that I helped someone in some way is a contribution to the healing process of that patient. As the year of 2007 comes to an end I'd like to say thank you to all those that I love and to those who have made a profound impact in my life. You know who you are. Merry Christmas!
Gifts I received: Kenneth Cole Cologne (Reaction), Issey Miyake Cologne (2 bottles), M.A.C Perfume, Will & Grace DVD Box Set Season 3&4, Kanye West CD (Graduation), Britney Spears CD (Blackout), Fergie CD (The Dutchess), Amy Winehouse CD (Back to Black), Kiehl's Facial Products, Hairs Spray DVD, Pair of Adidas Casual Footwear, $200 Dollars, Volcom Shirt, Volcom Wallet, Charcoal SDSU Sweatshirt
12/22/07 --> Christmas Party @ Ferrer Residence
12/25/07 --> Post Midnight Mass Gift Exchange @ home
12/26/07 --> Christmas Lunch with family
12/26/07 --> Christmas get together @ Denogean Residence
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| July5...21st Birthday! |
[06 Jul 2007|02:54am] |
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My birthday was a blast and I thank everyone who has made it a memorable experience. Oh my freaking gosh.. I am finally a 21 years old young. All those times I could not go out because I was still underage but now I am 21 year old. I am able to hit the clubs and buy alcohol without the help of others. I no longer have to hide in the corner from the security while taking a sip from other peoples' drinks. That was such a hassle! Most of all, I feel more responsible and grown up. I feel I have grown over the years and now am ready to face the future. I thank God for bring this far and for guiding me into the path I am leading today.
Today was the last day of session 1 summer school at SDSU. I am glad that I am finally finished with summer school. I have taken summer school including winter session ever since I graduated from high school. I am so relieved that I am finish with school. Boo to the essays and the multiple choice/short answer exams. Woohoo! I passed all my classes and am ready to get my groove on.
After school my mother treated my family and Kristin for Vietnamese soup at the Noodle house located in National City. That pho was tasty! Later that day I had dinner at the Yard House on 4th Ave. in downtown. Kristin, Andrew, Jasmine, Joy, Edward, Kathleen (Kurtis)and Maryanne came to celebrate. There were three additional guys who had the same birth day as me. How cool is that! I was really happy to have them there. However, Tina was not able to make it due to her obligations at work. Oh Well. I really did miss her and hope she could have been with me tonight. Soon after dinner, we went to "Numbers" which is a club located in Hillcrest. Jay, Maryanne, and Andrew bought me drinks which made my night. I saw Joel at the club. As he always says, "NO MAMES!" He is so Joel status....love him so much! I surely did not know that the birthday boy is not supposed purchase his own drinks. Kudos to that because I did not spend that much money, especially because I was broke. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU!!! I saw people I recognized and they all greeted me happy birthday. Love you all!
Now it is time for me to sleep because I am ready to the sack.
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| 1 down, 5 to go! |
[15 May 2007|04:19pm] |
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I took my last final this morning for N202 Client Assessment. Thankfully, I pulled out with a B. I think I did pretty well considering I did not study often for this class. The other class, N206 Nursing Practice 1, I did not do so well as I hoped but thank God that I passed that class. I think I have improved in my study habits this semester but the improvement was not enough to help me achieve an A. I know now that I must change my ways to do better next semester. If you are constantly worrying about your grade or worrying about not passing a class then you know that you have not studied your best. If I was to study in advance (at least 2 weeks b/c 1 week is not enough), be organized, and be focused then I would not be as anxious & paranoid. However, I can say that I have tremendously grown this semester from the lecture material to the hospital experience. The whole process was a learning experience. I will take with I learned this semester and bring it with me to the next to do better. I am going to take a look at myself and fix the mistakes I have made. So I am done with my first semester of nursing and now I have 5 more to go. I am exhausted and relieved that I made it out alive.
In a week (May 24), I will be starting summer school to take a stupid English class to fulfill the WPA requirement (RWS305) and PSY333 for fun. UGH! Every year I always take summer school and I am making sure this will be my last. I will be taking the psychology class with my nursing buddy Rae! I will not be alone in one my classes, YAY! Also other news...Morse High School JROTC UFDT won 1st place brigade and AFDT won 2nd place brigade. It was totally a shock to me because the last time we won brigade was in 2003. I do not know when the hell that last time the males even placed. So I am a bit weirded out but at the same time happy. I do not know because it just brings back emotions and old memories. Whatever! Sorry that was so random.
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| unwell |
[28 Apr 2007|01:04am] |
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I am so angry at myself for getting myself this far. How can I be so dumb to let myself turn this way. My actions and habits have not changed. It is definitely time for a lifestyle change. Hearing from your health care provider that your liver enzymes have elevated is terrifying. A lab result like this leads to many speculations. Fatty liver disease...liver failure? Another fear I have is the eventuality of being diagnosed with diabetes. Diabetes will decrease your neural sensory, eye sight, and if worst comes to worst, loss of a limb. To top it off I am turning 21 soon and my health care insurance from my parents will no longer cover me. Where will I find health care that is cheap? How will I follow up with my health problems. What I need to start doing is to lose weight because I am overweight obese. This change is not only for my health but also for my self confidence. I just hope and pray to God that He will give me the strength to change. Life is too short and your body can only do so much. It is very important that we take care of ourselves because some organs and parts in our body are difficult to repair and heal. I understand my mother is concerned about me but she has been a pain in the ass about doing this and doing that. She has been pushing me to go to the doctor. I guess I am to blame for not going to the doctor and losing weight sooner. BUT she is being a bitch now. She definitely is not helping me out if she is constantly nagging and saying, "You should have...I told you so...What did they say...What are you going to do now...Do this...Do that..." and on and on and on. She just boils my blood because her attitude is not really helping me cope with what I just found out. UGH! Whatever! I will just do what I always do. Ignore her and let her words just come through one ear and out the other because talking back is useless especially in the Filipino culture.
Nursing school is such a trip. It has become too much for me that I do not even have time go out and have a social life. Well that does not matter because I do not have anyone to hang out with. The semester is coming to an end and I have 13 more days left to study for my N206 final exam. This cumulative exam will burn me out. One week after the 2007 spring semester ends I will be attending summer school. boohoo! But anyways I will continue this part later.
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| normal routine back in motion |
[28 Feb 2007|09:38pm] |
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February 21, 2007
This is the day that I pick up my cousin from Hawaii, Michelle, at the airport around 9:25 PM. This is the first day that I start stressing out. From this point on I feel the pressure of school and my sister's 18th birthday weighing on my back. I do not have school this day but I anticipate the arrival of my cousin.
February 22, 2007
My family friends (Aron & Dee) from Hawaii arrive this day around 10:00 PM at night. These are Michelle's cousins but not my cousins. They are my Michelle's cousins who are not my cousins. I have not seen them for a long period of time. It was awkward at first but soon the mood and shyness went away. At first I was nervous of what they were going to think of me because as a little child I was a spoiled brat. We took them out to Denny's since it was the only place we thought of that was open. I had the big waffle breakfast which was delicious. We had our laughs and reminisced about the past. Michelle asked as our connection because without her I think there would just be crickets chirping at the table.
February 23, 2007
This is my sister's actual birthday. She turned 18 and can officially gamble at the Indian reservation casinos. My family and friends went to Barona Casino to eat at the buffet which was great. After Barona, we attempted to go to a 21 club. My friend, Andrew, who knows the bouncer (Levi) of the club said he had everything under control and was going to let the underage kids get into the club which included myself. I asked Andrew many days before if he could get us in. Basically, I gave him my trust to handle things from here. Unfortunately, Andrew never follows through and is a big drama queen who always has his selfish ways. Kristin, my sister, and I was walking towards the club and Kristin got a phone call from Andrew asking if she spoke to Levi the bouncer. HOLD UP! Let us rewind that shit. First of all Andrew said that he would handle everything meaning he should have been the one to have told Levi that we were going to the club and that there would be underage people coming too. What a dumb ass! All Andrew said to Levi was, "We are going to the club." Second, the fucked up thing was he lead my cousins into the club without us. If you go somewhere with your friends you do not leave them hanging. It is either all in or all out. The rest of us walked all the way to the club freezing our asses off and busted a bitch back to the car. We dropped Kristin off home and knocked out in our beds at the hotel. Michelle, Aron, & Dee apologized to us the next day but we were not even mad at them. We were mainly angry at Andrew for making another stupid mistake. Also, Andrew was asking for gas money and $40 dollars back. He did not even drive his car there and you are not supposed to ask money back from your guests that come all the way from Hawaii. They were supposed to be the ones being treated out. Aron, Dee, & Michelle payed for Andrew's drinks at the club too. Totally not cool!
February 24, 2007
This is the day of my sister's 18 birthday party otherwise known as a Debut. It is basically a coming out party where the girl wears a big fancy dress. The night was filled with a ceremony of 18 roses, 18 candles, performances, games, and line dancing for the old folks. I basically did everything for this event. I made my sister's invitations, center pieces, seating chart, wishing well, organized pictures & music for the montage, scheduled her events, met with the manager for the venue and drove her to many places. This was all done in a 4 month time frame and usually people prepare for this event a year in advance. I felt like Jennifer Lopez in the Wedding Planner except there was no romance involved. Ha Ha so cheesy. I do not even remember the people who came. I ate my food towards the end of the even which was cold and I did not even get the chance to taste the cake. Everyone said the cake was really good. DANG IT! I was busy running around the place trying to make things run smoothly. I do not even want to plan a debut ever again. NEVER! I felt bad the same day because I did not get to spend as much time with Dee, Aron, and Michelle earlier. So they went off on their own to shop. They went to In & Out (they do not have In & Out in Hawaii and they totally love the "animal style" burgers & fries), Target, Horton Plaza, and walked around down town. While they were out I was getting my hair trimmed, buying gift cards, blue eye shadow, and eyelash adhesive for my sister, and trying to pack everything that was needed to be sent to the hall in my car. Luckily, I made a check off list to make sure I had everything but I still was sweating my ass off trying to not forget anything. I was sweating a storm trying to get things in order but in the end it payed off because a lot of people commented on how I did and how fun the party was. So yay to me!
February 25, 2007
Woke up early. We all went to Super Sergio's Mexican fast food restaurant so they could try the infamous carne asada fries. They loved it. While I did my errands they went to Fashion Valley Mall. That same day I had my white coat professionalism ceremony for the nursing program. My class is the first class to uphold this tradition at SDSU so it was interesting. Walking through the doors I felt proud for myself because it felt like an official entrance/acceptance into the program. We had to recite an oath and sign some paper. All of the students received a pen which is supposed to "remind us of our hard work and dedication" to the nursing profession. The sad thing is that the pen is so cheap that you can buy it at office depot and engrave it yourself. So pathetic! After the ceremony we left to go on a hunt for ugg boots for Michelle. Mission was unsuccessful. Afterwards we went shopping in stores around Pacific Beach. They have great little stores there. Love it! Afterwards we headed over towards Red Ribbon bakery in National City. Auntie Wilma (Aron & Dee's mother) wanted to buy Filipino baked sweets to bring back to Hawaii. We ate at Lai Thai, a Thai restaurant, near Seafood city. LET ME TELL YOU! Thai food is yummy! I loved every little bite that I took. We had sticky rice, thai fried rice, papaya salad, larb (aka lap), lai thai duck, green curry, pad thai. To end the night we took tons and tons of pictures full of different faces and poses. I am so glad that Aron, Dee, & Michelle came to visit us.
February 26, 2007
Aron, Dee, & Auntie Wilma left San Diego early in the morning. I had N206 lab from 2PM-8PM. That lab was about NG tubes and foley catheters. Straight from school I went home to study for the N202 test the following day. From all the things that had occurred over the weekend I only had that night to study. Prior to this day I studied at most for 2 hours. So I did my last minute studying and prayed for the best.
February 27, 2007
I stayed up till 3 o'clock in the morning studying for my test. Luckily I woke up on time because I was scared I was going to miss the test. After all that studying I wound up getting a B on the test. I am pretty happy considering that I was so busy the past week. I watched videos in the media lab and spent the rest of my day chilling with my cousin because she would be leaving the next day. Michelle and I went searching for her ugg boots once again but we could not find any. I guess she will just have to purchase them online. I took her to Otay Ranch Center which is not even all that great, Sports Authority, Traders Joe, and Super Sergio's . She definitely is going to miss the the burritos and fries.
February 28, 2007
My cousin left 9:45 this morning. I am a bit sad she left because she is one of the few cousins I close with. I almost felt a little tears pouring out but I held it back. She will be back next year so I cannot wait for that to happen. Today was pretty chill. I had lunch with Maryanne & Kristin at Golden Chopsticks to clear some drama. I took a long nap and woke up with a big headache. I enjoyed my week and considered this day to be my day of relaxation and no worrying. Tomorrow I will be getting back into my normal routine of studying studying studying. BOOHOO!
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| Busy |
[19 Feb 2007|11:36pm] |
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My sister's debut is this weekend. I am excited about it and at the same anxious for it to be over. "STRESS" is the one word I can describe for this big celebration. Stress not for my sister but for me because I did majority of the work (invitations, center pieces, candles, planning, etc.). My cousin from Hawaii, Michelle, is arriving this Wednesday to celebrate my sister's debut. The following day our family friends from Hawaii (Michelle's cousins) are arriving too. I already have an itinerary for the weekend so they never forget about San Diego. The weekend is going to be fun yet busy.
What can I say about school? It still what it is. A lot of work, sacrificing, and tears. I frown on my first exam for N206 but now I have the drive to improve and attack the next test. Other than that nothing I have nothing else to say about school. Lent is near and I am still not so sure what to give up. I was thinking of either giving up rice, meat, and hopefully the cancer sticks. It has to be something I love and always utilize or consume. Just pray that whatever I choose I stick to it. Well I am going to do something productive now.
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| tear* |
[07 Feb 2007|10:49pm] |
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Don't ask me why. For some reason, I feel so sad. I feel like pouring out a river of tears. I do not know if its school or my life in general. But put two together it feels like your insides are exploding. Work is piling up and still some kinks and areas to work on. Its too early to ask for but a break is badly needed. STRESSED!
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| First Day Of Lab |
[29 Jan 2007|09:20pm] |
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Phew! I went through my first day of Nursing 206 Lab which went from 1400-2000. That's right 6 hour lecture/demonstration of hygiene, bed changing, and patient positioning. We had to take an abbreviation & conversion quiz which I aced. The quiz was followed by an introduction of each person within the lab. The class is definitely diverse with many people from different places and backgrounds. My professor is nice and sweet. I am happy I chose her as my lab instructor. The other instructor who teaches by her side is lively and energetic which makes the time go by fast. Our lab did receive 2 breaks...one was 15 minutes and the other 30 minutes. I am happy that I got off to a good start and hope to continue to do well in the program. I just need to fix my habit of procrastinating. Other than that, I am happy. =)
Saturday will "hopefully" be my last night of partying for a while. It was a fun event at Chad's mother's birthday party. My friend was the bartender in Chad's kitchen. She is pro at serving alcohol. All the drinks she gave me were hella good. Her drinks hit the spot and got me buzzed with the quickness. Dancing, belligerence, and new people. It was great to be out. Another note...my best friend was so fucked up to the point that she was getting all emotional. She almost made the decision of driving up to Long Beach to see her ex-boyfriend. I tried to persuade her not to drive up considering her mental and physical state. Good for her she did not go after sitting in her car for over an hour. Yay, I am so proud of her.
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| Friday Night Wasted! |
[27 Jan 2007|12:15am] |
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I am at home in front of my computer. I reviewed all my flashcards for my quiz on Monday. Anymore flashcards and my head will burst. My mother will not let me out of the house! Kick back at Chad's pad (Joy, Tina, Stefan there). UGH! I am so sad that I am not out. A cigarette is what I need right now. HELP! I feel like pulling all my hair out.
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| Thursday Night Clubbin |
[26 Jan 2007|04:19am] |
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Woopty Doo. It's 3:51 AM in Long Beach. I am at Tina's apartment 5 minutes away from Cal State Long Beach. I am still wide awake but about to set up my comfortable aero bed. This bed goes with me everywhere that I go in case I do crash at someone's pad. Anywho, my friends and I (Tina, Joy, & Sheena) went to this 18 and up club on the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and Ivar Street in Los Angeles. The name of the club was Cine Space. I swear there were hella asians at this club. Funny thing...my homegirls were complaining that most of the asians were short. The dance floor was not only small but it was packed. Can't even do the two step without bumping into someones tits or ass. I got my buzz on with Jager and redbull straight from the bottle itself which was all done in the car. Pooty for not being 21 yet. Rest of the contents were mixed in the redbull can for the remainder of the night. This experience was partly horrible due to the ridiculous wait just to enter the club. The line literally wrapped around the corner. I felt pretty bad because one of my friends was not use to the notion of waiting line. She usually enters a club up in the bay area with ease and for free. We were supposed to meet up with Tina's room mate and her friends. However, they arrived earlier and were assisted in easily with no problems at all. Well, the had connex because their friend is the DJ of the venue. To my benefit my friends were all female and luckily they were let in since "straight" clubs let females in the front of the line with a bit of persuasion. What was whack was paying a hefty cover charge of $20 which went the bouncers. Due to the fact that I was male, I had to pay an additional $20 at the door and spot another $10 for my other homegirl. So all in all including gas and food I spent $100. Clubbing up in Los Angeles hurts your wallet so bad. I do not think I will be coming back anytime soon. Hopefully this is my last day of fun before the rigourous demands and stressful studying in the nursing program begins. Correction...the night was not even that fun. I danced my ass off and everything but I was just not feeling it tonight. So back to the apartment, my friend's ex-boyfriend is here now and you know what. They broke up on January 9 and I guess they are in the process of you know what. Hopefully this behavior ceases to continue. I hella ate Del Taco like there was tomorrow. Now I am f*ckin bloated and ready to knock out. Gosh, I sooo just broke my diet. There goes the ten pounds that I lost. Ugh, what a waste. So I will end it here and wish you good night, well actually good morning.
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| Spring 2007 |
[23 Jan 2007|12:22am] |
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It is 12:22 AM. I have class in 6 hours and 37 minutes. I know! You must be saying...Go to sleep! But I cannot go to sleep because I have gotten used to sleeping late and waking up so late in the afternoon. I am still on my winter break clock. Damn I should start sleeping early now. I will see how things go.
I got into the nursing program and started school on January 18. I got my call January 10 around 10:10 AM. I was jumping, screaming, and crying with joys of tear tears of joy. I still cannot believe that I got in. I am scared, anxious, and excited. I hope I survive this semester alive. *crosses fingers. Update... My best friend had a mutual break up with her boyfriend of 1 year. She will find someone better and take that relationship as a learning experience. It definitely made her grow better as a person. I am so proud of her that she is handling it well. My god sister left the bay and is now going to settle in San Diego for the next 3 years. Hopefully things work out for her. I will be behind her the whole way. I will end it here and try to get ready for class. Till next time. CIAO!
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| Another Monday, Another Week |
[18 Sep 2006|08:40pm] |
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On Friday my bestfriend got into a fight with her boyfriend. She already drove for more than an hour to spend time with her boyfriend but unexpectedly he did not think she was actually going to drive up. They agreed upon a set plan but his plans changed without letting her know. She got upset because she felt that she had wasted her time and could have done something more productive. She called me up sobbing in tears. She did not want to stay alone in her apartment so she called me and asked me to drive up and stay with her. It was already 11PM and I was very scared to leave considering my mother is very strict and especially i doubted that she would let me drive from San Diego to Long Beach. I found a way and made up some story that I was going to a party and staying at a friend's house nearby. It worked but I felt so bad and my mom was very angry at me. Gosh, i am such a great friend. So I drove up and it only took me 1 hour and 20 minutes. I got there and we chopped things up. The next day all we did was lounge around like fat asses. We were supposed to go to a party with my best friend's roommate. However, the roommate recieved news that the party was whack. So we just bought some brew and hard laq and chilled at the roommate's boyfriend's friend's house. The house was all the way in Chino Hills. We did not know any of the people. People were in the back of the home playing poker while we were in the living room chugging down on some jager. Even though it was not a big house party I still had fun. We had our fun momments. I was just being all hyper and loud singing disney songs and dancing. After the whole drinking we drove back to Long Beach. We were beyond hungry and craving for Del Taco. So we went there and bought 8 tacos, medium fries, and macho nachos. Once we were done eating we were so bloated. We could not breathe at all and could not move our bodies an inch. It was just too funny. The end of that night my best friend made up with her boyfriend. These little fights always happen and they always make up and get back together. So I had a great trip and left the next day around 2 and made it home the same exact time I came up. GOOD STUFF! =)
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| An update overdue...emo-tional |
[02 Sep 2006|02:08am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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Ok. Well I've been so down these past few days. I cry every night thinking I would change things but so far I haven't done anything. I feel I have been punished. Number 1: I haven't reached any of my academic goals. Number 2: My heart is empty. Number 3: My life is nothing but an empty box full of cobwebs. I am such a loser. I've become a myspace freak. I go on there endlessly searching for something that is not there. I should be doing something better with my time than wasting my time staring at the computer screen, worsening my eyesight. Same shit, different day is how i see it. I feel I have been punished by God. I walk around with my head down with nothing but emptiness and darkness. I look down with shame and embarrassment. The only person I've cheated is myself. I have deprived myself of the many great things in life. I'm so scared... My bestfriend will finally be settled in a different location. She'll obviously visit but not as often as before. She is my only true friend. Who else will I run to and confide in. Who will I call and hang out with when I am alone. I feel so torn. I feel cold and tired. Sometimes I stare out into the distance and dig deep inside myself to find hope, a way, a beacon of light, a sign to know I have something to look forward to...to know that when I wake up the next day that I have something to live for. I want that breath of fresh air, a new feeling, and new view of life where I can finally say, "This is it. This is good. This is right. This is me." I just want close my eyes, block out all noises, hear nothing but my breathing, get away from reality, and just cry everything out. Just cry to myself, why. Pour out everything i feel...wishing and praying that evetying will be alright. I Just have to remember breathe and remember to not sweat out the little things in life. I've been reminded of the quote, "When one dooor closes another wll open." I just hope that the next door that opens, is the one i've been waiting for.
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| School & Stress |
[23 May 2006|03:21pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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Baby Face - Loneliness |
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I have never felt so angry and frustrated at myself before. I feel so dumb and ugly. I did my best in school but my best is not good enough for the nursing program. I pray so hard to God that he give me a miracle. If not, then I hope he leads me to different options. Additionally, my physical health is not at its best. I will need a lot of strength, will, motivation, and dedication to turn my life around. I am just a mess right now. Nothing has gone right and I feel it will be that way til the end of my days.
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| your beautiful |
[21 Dec 2005|02:49am] |
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realization comes to mind when your grateful for the friends you have. the times i go out and just do nonsense things. the things that i do for the ones that i love. the times that i stay past 12 midnight just to have a little fun. i mean i love having friends. friends that actually pour out their heart to you and show that they actually care. those that do the little things and listen to every word you say. i have become a selfless person and have come across many people which i knew who have impacted my life one way or another. my generosity has made my wallet full of dust and cobwebs but who the hell cares when it results in a smile and a hug. i just want to tell my friends that i love them. i know this part of my life is something is something i will truly cherish. friends are the greatest gift i could have. i ask and hope for more wonderful memories. friends til the end. merry christmas! happy holidays! maligayang pasko! MWAUH!
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| sick of school |
[01 Nov 2005|07:23pm] |
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Yesterday was Holloween and it was spent taking an human anatomy exam. Muscles! Cardiovascular System! Bones! This unit was an overload of information. UGH! I studied very hard for that exam. I did my best and I will just leave the rest to God. Right now, I am figuring out how to start my essay for my rhetorical and writing studies class. Every essay prompt, one after the other, gets difficult. Writing is a weakness for me. I competely dislike english and writing. I wish I had a magic pencil that would help the words flow on to my paper. Wish me luck!
I woke up late again for class. I feel so embaraassed walking into class. All the student's eyes are glued on to me. I can feel the negative energy from my professor, guessing he is fed up with my punctuality. Grrr. I'm so bad with morning classes. OH WELL!
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omie1's journal